His love.

"When then, eternal Father, did you create this

creature of yours?... You show me that you made

us for one reason only: in your lifht you saw

yourself compelled by the fire of your love to give

us being in spite of the evil we would commit

against you, eternal Father. It was fire, then,

that compelled you. Oh, unutterable love, even

though you saw all the evils your creatures

would commit against your infinite goodness,

you acted as if you did not see and set your

eye only on the beauty of your creature, with

whom you had fallen in love like one drunk and

crazy with love... You are the fire, nothing but

a fire of love, crazy over what you have made."

- The Prayers of Catherine of Siena

summer

Sorry I've been so out of touch this summer. I'm trying to find words at the moment to explain my past few months. However the words interesting, difficult, and a waiting process are the three that come to mind.

Interesting because I never have a clue as to what my day is going to look like. SOMETIMES I'll plan a lunch date in advance, but most of the time I'm waking up, looking around and asking myself what I am going to do today. So, instead of calling my summer boring, I'd like to say it's been interesting. Interesting because I'm living my days opposite of what I'd normally appreciate them to be. I'm learning to embrace these days, and I've become creative in the different ways to make my days less repetitive. Therefore, my days have been interesting.

Difficult because I have wondered all summer why in the world I am where I am. To be completely honest, I've been confused by the Lord's plans. My flesh has been pushing against the truth of the Lord's sovereignty and His faithfulness. My flesh has been pulling for life to be about me and what I want and what I think should happen. However, I've had the difficult task of swallowing my pride and grasping the hard love of the Father, in stating that He is in control and that He does have me exactly where He wants me. I trust that. I hope you trust where He has you as well.

Waiting process because I still have no job. I am currently in the process of looking for a job, however it has been a slow one. I have learned though, that the process is what the Lord loves to watch us go through. THAT is ultimately what He cares about. Through the process, we are strengthened in our faith and we are pulled away from our old selves more and more. If that is what it means to be in a waiting process, then so be it. I long for Him to have the glory from this process no matter where it is that I end up.

"Some trust in chariots, and some in horses,

but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

They collapse and fall,

but we rise and stand upright."

Psalm 20:7,8

GBS

I will miss them... 

"... we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name among all the nations, including you who are CALLED TO BELONG TO JESUS CHRIST."

treadmills.

So, yesterday, I was running on the treadmill. I've heard many horror stories about people falling off of treadmills, slipping and falling, and busting open their chin or their heads. I'm always in fear that something like this will happen... 

Thank goodness this story does not end like that, but I will say I was close. I didn't fall COMPLETELY off of the treadmill, but instead I slipped. I braced myself thank goodness. My foot stepped halfway on the moving tread part, and the stable side. My hands reached out to the dashboard of the machine stabilizing my body from tipping over. I think the worst part about this is not that I tripped, but that I looked around and there was no one to laugh with! Everyone ignored me. I got a few glances, but no one smiled or laughed with me. What in the world? It was funny! I needed someone to laugh with me. But, I just smiled and laughed at myself instead. Which made me laugh even harder. Please promise me that when you see someone do something stupid like that not to ignore him or her, but to laugh with them. It makes the situation so much better. Please and thank you. :) 

encouraged.

"I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself,

that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps."

Jeremiah 10: 23

Still clueless as to what my job and income will be starting next month. It's a little hard to swallow that I will be living with my parents again at the age of 24 with no knowledge of how long I'll have to be there. This reality has taken me in many different thoughts of frustration and questioning my own ears as well as the Lord's. If you were to read my journal, you'd see many exclamation points and question marks...

 "Are you listening?" 

"Can you hear me?" 

"Talk to me!"

"Do not hide yourself!"

Ha. Who am I to question if the omnipresent God is listening to me? However, I am continually coming back to my knees, eyes up, hands lifted acknowledging who He is and who I am not. It's the only place that makes sense. And in that place, there is overwhelming awe of His power and glory. I read this and am reminded that He is above and beyond anything I need. 

"There is none like you, O Lord;

you are great, and your name is 

great in might. 

Who would not fear you, O King

of the nations? 

For this is your due;

for among all the wise ones of the

nations

and in all their kingdoms

there is non like you...

But the Lord is the true God;

he is the living God and 

the everlasting King.

At his wrath the earth quakes,

and the nations cannot endure

his indignation...

It is he who made the earth by

his power,

who established the world by 

his wisdom, 

and by his understanding

stretched out the heavens. 

When he utters his voice, there is 

tumult of waters in the 

heavens,

and he makes the mist rise from the 

ends of the earth. 

He makes lightning for the rain,

and he brings forth the wind

from his storehouses."

Jeremiah 10: 6 - 13

being known.

Yesterday was a day just for me and Jesus. We hung out all day in my room. We played music and sang, we watched a movie or two, we read about Him, we laughed out loud and we talked intimately with each other. It was a day dedicated to learning about the other. There is something built inside of all of us to be known, to have someone fully and deeply know everything about us. We long for that, I long for that. Soon, my understanding of this grew yesterday as I read a section of the book "Knowing God" by J.I. Packer. It brought me to tears, and of course have to share it with you. 

"What matters supremely...is not... the fact that I know God, but the larger fact which underlies it - the fact that he knows me. I am graven on the palms of his hands. I am never out of his mind. All my knowledge of him depends on his sustained intiative in knowing me. I know him because he first knew me, and continues to know me. He knows me as a friend, one who loves me; and there is no moment when his eye is off of me, or his attention distracted from me, and no moment, therefore, when his care falters. 

This is momentous knowledge. There is unspeakable comfort - the sort of comfort that energizes, be it said, not enervates - in knowing that God is constantly taking knowledge of me in love and watching over me for my good. There is tremendous relief in knowing that his love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery can now disillusion him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench his determination to bless me. 

There is, certainly, great cause for humility in the thought that he sees all the twisted things about me that my fellow humans do not see (and I am glad!), and he sees more corruption in me than that which I see in myself, (which, in all conscience, is enough). There is however, equally great incentive to worship and love God in the thought that, for some unfathomable reason, he wants me as his friend, and desires to be my friend, and has given his Son to die for me in order to realize this purpose. We cannot work these thoughts out here, but merely mention them is enough to show how much it means to know not merely that we know God, but that he knows us."

Enough said, right?

I am known by God. It's a truth so hard to fully understand and acknowledge, however, so important to receive. 

so excited.

The new website for Grace Campus is up...

Check it out!

www.gracecampus.net

what stirs my affections?

Hundreds of students singing to their Heavenly Father

at the top of their lungs simply because He loves them. 

I love this.  

rainy days.

confession. 

secretly, i enjoy rainy days. they put me in a reflective mood. makes me move slower and take in all that the day has to offer. my heavenly father knows that i needed to slow down my mind today. so, thank you for the rain...

getting into you

when i made up my mind,

and my heart along with that

to live not for myself, but yet for God

somebody said"do you know what you 

are getting yourself into?"

when i finally ironed out

all of my priorities

and asked God to remove the doubt

that makes me so unsure of these

things I ask myself, I ask myself

"do you know what you 

are getting yourself into?" 

i'm getting into you

because you got to me

in a way words can't describe

i'm getting into you

because i've got to be

You're essential to survive

i'm gonna love you with my life

when he looked at me and said

"i kind of view you as a son"

and for one second our eyes met

and i met that with a question

"do you know what you

are getting yourself into?"

i'm getting into you

because you got to me

in a way words can't describe

i'm getting into you

because i've got to be 

you're essential to survive

i'm gonna love you with my life

i've been a liar and 

i'll never amount to

the kind of person you 

deserve to worship you

you say you will not dwell on what i did

but rather what i do you say

i love you and that's what you're getting 

yourself into

i'm getting into you

because you got to me

in a way words can't describe

i'm getting into you

because i've got to be

you're essential to survive

i'm gonna love you with my life

He said, i love you and that's what you are getting yourself into

- Reliant k

taken.

Last night, I went to see the movie, "Taken", with some friends. What I watched was not what I was expecting. It is a movie about a father and a daughter. She decides to take a trip overseas. While she is there, she is kidnapped and sold for sex. The father then sets his mind on finding her and does not give up. He pursues and fights and pursues and fights. I walked away from this movie with mixed emotions. I walked away with a sense of pride and protection by knowing that the God that I serve is my perfect Father who pursues me and fights for me and protects me at all costs. I saw an example of His love, His deep love for His daughters. When we are caught up in the ways of the enemy, He finds us, fights for us, and frees us from all of our adversaries. I also walked away with a deep hurt for those women in the world that are being sold into prostitution and sex. It cuts me deep to even try to put myself in that position. A life full of feeling worthless and lack of feeling treasured, how can one think? 

This morning I read Psalm 10, again being reassured by the Father that He is there. He is taking care of His people. 

"In arrogance the wicked hotly pursue the poor;

let them be caught in the schemes that they have devised. 

For the wicked boasts of the desires of his soul,

and the one greedy for gain curses and renounces the Lord...

he lurks in ambush like a lion in his thicket;

he lurks that he may seize the poor;

he seizes the poor when he draws them into his net...

Arise O Lord; O God, lift up your hand; 

forget not the afflicted,

But you do see, for you note 

the mischief and vexation,

that you may take it into your hands;

to you the helpless commits himself; 

you have been the helper of the fatherless.

O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted;

you will strengthen their heart;

you will incline your ear to do justice 

to the fatherless and the oppressed,

so that man who is of the earth may strike

terror no more."

He is faithful to the oppressed and beaten. That is what I cling to this morning with my heavy heart. 

bob and joan.

Recently, I was presented with the opportunity to travel with my staff team to the wonderful (and extremely cold) city of Boston. We worked with The Boston Project, an amazing ministry centered around being the hands and feet of the gospel. They are spending their days serving the homeless and those in need of an extra hand. I was very taken aback at the rarity that I do this in my own personal ministry. However, with the grace of the Lord, I am compelled to learn from my lack of service in my past, and move on to find ways to serve His people. 

While we were there, we met an older couple that The Boston Project has served many years. Their names were Bob and Joan. We entered their warm home with precious Joan taking our coats and as we were handing them off, wide grinned Bob comes slowly around the corner with a big "Well, Hello!" You could see all over his face that this moment with us had been a deep anticipation within him all day long. He walked us, with walker in tow, into the room where we would be visiting. He then begins to share with us the reason why this room was his favorite room in the whole house. He points with his finger to the picture on the wall. It is a beautiful picture of Jesus. "I like to sit here and look at Jesus," he says. Already tears are springing up in my eyes for the beauty that is pouring out of this couple. Immediately we begin by telling them our names and why we are here. Joan is up and about placing cookies and chex mix in our hands and pouring hot cider that she had made into mugs for us. Joan is a sensational caretaker. And you can tell she enjoys serving. An attribute of Jesus that she understands. There is something very unique about this couple that I haven't yet mentioned. They are an interracial couple. As soon as we get past the greetings, Joan proceeds to tell us their story. An interracial couple of their age is very rare due to the timing of when they fell in love. They tell us the many obstacles they had to face, the judgement and the scorn. Joan's mother did not approve. They couldn't find a church that would marry them. Finding an apartment to live in was even difficult. No one approved. Even when they had children, it took people a while to understand that Joan was their mother, even though she was white. People just didn't look past the color. Bob would discuss the moments of the two of them having to sit in the back of the bus, and the back of theaters. Each one of us sat there with tears streaming. How could this precious couple been treated so poorly? To me, this couple is the beauty of innocence in their old age. They have been through so much, but yet, they were not bitter, they were not giving us a civil rights speech. They were just telling us their story with such peace and forgiveness that can only flow from the Spirit. 

"Blessed are the pure in heart, 

for they shall see God."

Matthew 5:8

"Innocence. Purity. Child-likeness. Wonder. These are the attributes that we must walk in if we hope to see God's majesty... Innocence is at the root of who we are meant to be, and must remain at the heart of who we are. Imagine entering heaven with a higher level of innocence and wonder than when we started our journey with Him!" - Graham Cooke

I hope that when I am their age, I have the same kindness and joy and love pouring out of me to others that they showed to me. They displayed Jesus within them. 

fathers and daughters

The other day, a friend and I were walking and talking about life. In the midst of conversation, we passed a father and his daughter on the sidewalk. She was maybe 3 years old, with bike in hand and dad was walking very slowly behind her with a huge grin on his face which screamed love and adoration for this girl. We passed with a "hello" and both commented on her amazing biking skills with which she replied with a "I bike". Needless to say, a pocket of tears welled up in each set of eyes from us. The funny thing is, what the world would call biking - feet on peddles and rotating them to make the wheels actually turn and move you forward - was not how she was biking. Feet were on the ground, and bike was pulled up half way off of the ground. Her dad couldn't be any more proud and was perfectly content to walk behind her at a extremely turtle-like pace. He was content to just be spending time with her. 

Immediately, Malorie and I discuss how often that is like us with the heavenly Father. There are many moments when we are like that daughter. We sometimes are doing our own thing in our own way. However, the heavenly Father doesn't abandon us, He walks with us, knowing that eventually in time we will realize that it is much easier to get on and ride. But, until then, He will smile a huge smile of a proud Father, no matter what. 

"As a shepherd looks after his

scattered flock when he is

with them, so will 

I look after my sheep..."

Ezekiel 34:12

laughter.

tonight i laughed more than i have in a very long time. the laughter that makes you hunch over to the ground, stop mid-walk, deep sighs in between, tears streaming laughter. yes, even the kind that may make you snort. i love the fact that God made laughter. He knew that we would enjoy it. malorie and hannah laughed so hard and so long that it made our cheeks hurt. 

i'm very thankful for laughter. 

revealer of mysteries.

Lately, my life seems to be a big ball of uncertainty. Starting this August, I am without a job, and therefore I have no clue what I will be doing, where I will be going, with whom I will be around. A nomad, really, a wonderer. The flesh and old self that still comes around every now and then would like to start hyperventilating and anxiety would control me. I would start planning and figuring out the next few years of my life. I am not a planner, but I would tell myself to start practicing because mysteries and unknowing is not something that I enjoy. However, I am continually learning that my life is not about me. My life is not for me to have things figured out. My life is here on this earth to reflect the glory of the Lord, who is Almighty and Powerful and All knowing and Sovereign and nothing is out of His control. So, as I write this, I take a deep sigh of relief. He is taking care of me. He has given me the strength to continue on in my trust with Him. Who am I to not trust the creator of the universe? He is the revealer of mysteries. 

This morning I was reading through the book of Daniel. He used this book to show me that He will show me August, but in His timing. I am clinging to these verses, clinging to the truth of who It is, this God that I serve...

"... God gave them learning and skill in all literature and wisdom, and Daniel had understanding in all visions and dreams." Daniel 1:17

"he reveals deep and hidden things; he know what is in the darkness, and the light dwells within him." Daniel 2:22

"but there is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries, and he has made known to us  what will be in the latter days." Daniel 2:28

" Truly, your God is God of gods and Lord of kings, and a revealer of mysteries." Daniel 2:47

 

burned out.

"At the end of my life I want the wax to be gone,

 the wick to be gone. All of it.

 I want to be completely burned out."

- sara groves

identity.

Last night we had bible study with a group of girls, and it was so good. I am really excited about this semester with each of them. The Lord has something huge planned for our Monday nights, and I am excited to be a part of them. We are going to be studying Romans. Yesterday, I felt that the Lord really wanted me to go through Romans, skim over it, and pick out the moments where He speaks truth to our identity in Him. Romans is consumed with identity. I read to the girls last night. It's always powerful to be reminded of our identity that is in the Lord. It was so refreshing for me to hear yesterday, and so I thought I would type it out to you. 

You are ...

- called to be an apostle

- set apart for the gospel of God

- receiver of grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith 

- called to belong to Christ

- loved by God and called 

- receiver of eternal 

- receiver of glory, honor, and peace

- justified by His grace as a gift through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus

- your faith is counted as righteous

- justified by faith apart from the works of the law

- guaranteed grace

- peace with God

- rejoicer in hope of the glory of God

- not put to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us

- justified by His blood

- saved by Him from the wrath of God

- reconciled to God by the death of His Son

- saved by His life

- receiver of reconciliation 

- baptized into Christ Jesus and His death

- united in His death, united in His resurrection

- no longer enslaved to sin

- set free from sin

- death no longer has dominion over you 

- alive to God in Christ Jesus

- brought from death to life

- instruments for righteousness

- not under law, but under grace

- slaves of righteousness

- not under law, but under grace

- slaves of righteousness

- servants to the new life of the Spirit

- been set free from the law of sin and death

- dwelling place of the Spirit of God, giving you life and peace 

- sons of God

- receiver of the Spirit of adoption, as sons, by whom we cry "Abba Father"

- heirs of God, heirs with Christ

- set free from bondage

- obtainer of freedom

- known by Him as He searches our hearts

- God is for us

- more than conquerors through Him who loved us 

- impossible to be separated from the love of God

- been raised up with His power

- been called "my people" and "my beloved" by Him

- not put to shame

- not rejected

- grafted into the promises of God

- a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God

- one body in Christ

- beloved

- God's servants for good

- bearer of God's love

- given the armor of light

- the Lord's, whether we live or we die

- welcomed by Christ

- full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able to instruct one another

- minister of Christ Jesus

"For your obedience is known to all, so that I rejoice over you, but I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil. The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you." Romans 16:19,20