Monday, August 31, 2009

His love.

"When then, eternal Father, did you create this
creature of yours?... You show me that you made
us for one reason only: in your lifht you saw
yourself compelled by the fire of your love to give
us being in spite of the evil we would commit
against you, eternal Father. It was fire, then,
that compelled you. Oh, unutterable love, even
though you saw all the evils your creatures
would commit against your infinite goodness,
you acted as if you did not see and set your
eye only on the beauty of your creature, with
whom you had fallen in love like one drunk and
crazy with love... You are the fire, nothing but
a fire of love, crazy over what you have made."

- The Prayers of Catherine of Siena

Sunday, August 16, 2009


Sorry I've been so out of touch this summer. I'm trying to find words at the moment to explain my past few months. However the words interesting, difficult, and a waiting process are the three that come to mind.

Interesting because I never have a clue as to what my day is going to look like. SOMETIMES I'll plan a lunch date in advance, but most of the time I'm waking up, looking around and asking myself what I am going to do today. So, instead of calling my summer boring, I'd like to say it's been interesting. Interesting because I'm living my days opposite of what I'd normally appreciate them to be. I'm learning to embrace these days, and I've become creative in the different ways to make my days less repetitive. Therefore, my days have been interesting.

Difficult because I have wondered all summer why in the world I am where I am. To be completely honest, I've been confused by the Lord's plans. My flesh has been pushing against the truth of the Lord's sovereignty and His faithfulness. My flesh has been pulling for life to be about me and what I want and what I think should happen. However, I've had the difficult task of swallowing my pride and grasping the hard love of the Father, in stating that He is in control and that He does have me exactly where He wants me. I trust that. I hope you trust where He has you as well.

Waiting process because I still have no job. I am currently in the process of looking for a job, however it has been a slow one. I have learned though, that the process is what the Lord loves to watch us go through. THAT is ultimately what He cares about. Through the process, we are strengthened in our faith and we are pulled away from our old selves more and more. If that is what it means to be in a waiting process, then so be it. I long for Him to have the glory from this process no matter where it is that I end up.

"Some trust in chariots, and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
They collapse and fall,
but we rise and stand upright."
Psalm 20:7,8

Monday, April 27, 2009


I will miss them... 

"... we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name among all the nations, including you who are CALLED TO BELONG TO JESUS CHRIST."

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


So, yesterday, I was running on the treadmill. I've heard many horror stories about people falling off of treadmills, slipping and falling, and busting open their chin or their heads. I'm always in fear that something like this will happen... 

Thank goodness this story does not end like that, but I will say I was close. I didn't fall COMPLETELY off of the treadmill, but instead I slipped. I braced myself thank goodness. My foot stepped halfway on the moving tread part, and the stable side. My hands reached out to the dashboard of the machine stabilizing my body from tipping over. I think the worst part about this is not that I tripped, but that I looked around and there was no one to laugh with! Everyone ignored me. I got a few glances, but no one smiled or laughed with me. What in the world? It was funny! I needed someone to laugh with me. But, I just smiled and laughed at myself instead. Which made me laugh even harder. Please promise me that when you see someone do something stupid like that not to ignore him or her, but to laugh with them. It makes the situation so much better. Please and thank you. :) 

Monday, April 6, 2009


"I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself,
that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps."
Jeremiah 10: 23

Still clueless as to what my job and income will be starting next month. It's a little hard to swallow that I will be living with my parents again at the age of 24 with no knowledge of how long I'll have to be there. This reality has taken me in many different thoughts of frustration and questioning my own ears as well as the Lord's. If you were to read my journal, you'd see many exclamation points and question marks...
 "Are you listening?" 
"Can you hear me?" 
"Talk to me!"
"Do not hide yourself!"

Ha. Who am I to question if the omnipresent God is listening to me? However, I am continually coming back to my knees, eyes up, hands lifted acknowledging who He is and who I am not. It's the only place that makes sense. And in that place, there is overwhelming awe of His power and glory. I read this and am reminded that He is above and beyond anything I need. 

"There is none like you, O Lord;
you are great, and your name is 
great in might. 
Who would not fear you, O King
of the nations? 
For this is your due;
for among all the wise ones of the
and in all their kingdoms
there is non like you...
But the Lord is the true God;
he is the living God and 
the everlasting King.
At his wrath the earth quakes,
and the nations cannot endure
his indignation...
It is he who made the earth by
his power,
who established the world by 
his wisdom, 
and by his understanding
stretched out the heavens. 
When he utters his voice, there is 
tumult of waters in the 
and he makes the mist rise from the 
ends of the earth. 
He makes lightning for the rain,
and he brings forth the wind
from his storehouses."
Jeremiah 10: 6 - 13

Monday, March 30, 2009

being known.

Yesterday was a day just for me and Jesus. We hung out all day in my room. We played music and sang, we watched a movie or two, we read about Him, we laughed out loud and we talked intimately with each other. It was a day dedicated to learning about the other. There is something built inside of all of us to be known, to have someone fully and deeply know everything about us. We long for that, I long for that. Soon, my understanding of this grew yesterday as I read a section of the book "Knowing God" by J.I. Packer. It brought me to tears, and of course have to share it with you. 

"What matters not... the fact that I know God, but the larger fact which underlies it - the fact that he knows me. I am graven on the palms of his hands. I am never out of his mind. All my knowledge of him depends on his sustained intiative in knowing me. I know him because he first knew me, and continues to know me. He knows me as a friend, one who loves me; and there is no moment when his eye is off of me, or his attention distracted from me, and no moment, therefore, when his care falters. 
This is momentous knowledge. There is unspeakable comfort - the sort of comfort that energizes, be it said, not enervates - in knowing that God is constantly taking knowledge of me in love and watching over me for my good. There is tremendous relief in knowing that his love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery can now disillusion him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench his determination to bless me. 
There is, certainly, great cause for humility in the thought that he sees all the twisted things about me that my fellow humans do not see (and I am glad!), and he sees more corruption in me than that which I see in myself, (which, in all conscience, is enough). There is however, equally great incentive to worship and love God in the thought that, for some unfathomable reason, he wants me as his friend, and desires to be my friend, and has given his Son to die for me in order to realize this purpose. We cannot work these thoughts out here, but merely mention them is enough to show how much it means to know not merely that we know God, but that he knows us."

Enough said, right?

I am known by God. It's a truth so hard to fully understand and acknowledge, however, so important to receive. 

Sunday, March 29, 2009

so excited.

The new website for Grace Campus is up...

Check it out!