holiness.

With my job, I am fortunate enough to sit directly under the teaching of Matt Dean. Every Tuesday morning, our staff team meets together to discuss and learn more about the Word of God. Our desire is to grow in our knowledge, yes, but our main goal is to know Him and make Him known in our daily lives. Recently we read a book about Leviticus. Now, if you're like me, you wonder why on earth someone would want to read more into that book of the Bible. I use to want to hurry through Leviticus so that I could get onto the more interesting stuff. There is so much more to it. I recommend reading "The Way to Wholeness" by Stedman. This book dissects Leviticus and brings it into our own reality. 

After reading this book, Matt asked each one of us to write a paper answering this question... "What does the holiness of God mean for my life?" And this is what I came up with.

I am called to be Holy as He is Holy. In other words, I am whole, as he is whole. Doing anything outside of recognizing this is me disowning the cross. The Law, which is the knowledge of God's holiness, points to the cross. In every detail of the Law, every small step it takes to become forgiven and right before the eyes of the Lord shows me the glimpse into the holiness of God. He is set apart. Through every single sacrifice, I can't help but think of the cross. I am reminded over and over again of the brokenness and inability to keep the Law of the Israelites. I am just like them, living in a broken world incapable of being in His holy presence without a sacrifice because of my sin. Because of the cross, the ultimate sacrifice, I am able to enter into that presence. All it took was one sacrifice to bring forgiveness on all people. I am forgiven, therefore, I should live forgiven. "You are to be Holy, as I, the Lord, am Holy," this is said by God knowing that the cross would occur, because the cross is the only way for me to be holy with God. It puts a fear inside of me, that draws me closer to Him rather than further away. Why? Because to understand His holiness, means for me to understand mine. I can never be separated from Him. So I seek Him to know who I am and to understand my priesthood. "In Him, I live and move and have my being..." This is what I know. This is what it means for me today.

 

What does the holiness of God mean for YOUR life?

only tears you should cry, cry laughing

i enjoyed my weekend so much that i needed to share it with you. 

Friday. Walked over to my friend, Jason's, house where I enjoyed a nice cup of coffee along with laughter provided by Scott Littlepage, a friend that God has allowed me to get to know the last two months. If you don't know him, you should, because he might be one of the funniest people I know right now - and he thinks he's funny too, which makes it even better. These mornings are my favorite parts of my weeks because it's a time to relax and enjoy each other's company. And it's a time to reflect on the week that we all just had. Lots of laughter. Lots of coffee. Lots of food, aka biscuits that taste like they came from BBQ House - no joke. Then, headed over to the office for the official "girl time" with Katie B, Red, and Cat. Though it was filled with tears, it was SO good. I love hearing how their hearts are doing and how to encourage the other. Such a picture of the body. I'm glad Cat was our new addition this week. Made me happy. Next, yours truly went into Cinderella mode at the house, cleaning and cleaning, trying to get things ready for my best friends to come into town! After much anticipation (there is so much in those three words that I could go into, but I'll refrain from making this any longer than it is going to be), they all arrived (Maggie, Zachary, Christi, and James) back in the house where all (well, most) of the friendships began! It was a homecoming like no other! We hurried over to Malorie's house so we could all see her before her big date. Literally we rushed out of the house, because I had no shoes on me. Ha. It was fun and so good to see the "Baby", as we call her, before her night of fun. Then, we invaded Juliana Tokyo where we spent most of the time drawing on our place mats. James  made a floor plan of Maggie and Zachary's "future home", Christi made drawings of each city each one of us were and were about to live in, Zachary drew a tree and a leaf and then labeled them, Maggie drew a morbid Snoopy picture, and I drew the world. Maggie taught me how to draw a cow. I'll have to show you all how sometime too. It's quite fun. The night ended with PJ's, cuddles, blankets, and the new season of "The Office". 

Saturday. Maggie, Christi, and I awoke and swiftly made our way over to Malorie's to hear all about her night. But, we didn't without first stopping at Toomer's Coffee. This place is near and dear to each one of us. This is a place we studied and wrote papers in during most of our college careers. The lady even remembers us! Ha Ha! Baby's house was filled with laughter as we sat and talked about life. These are the moments that I miss the most. I miss talking to each other all at the same time. I tried hard to sit and cherish each one of those this weekend. Next is all a blur, because it was spent showering and getting ready for game day! I made a music list that we sang and danced to while us girls put ourselves together. I loved it. We have so many memories getting ready in my room, listening to that music. I know it wasn't just me soaking it all in. We miss each other so much. Luckily, last minute I was able to get a student ticket! Once inside the stadium, I remembered how much I love Auburn football. I love the community that is in there. A couple of times during the game, I "high fived" a few people I didn't know. I loved it! After the game, feet hurting and all, we went to Keri Anne's tailgate where I spent most of my time there talking with an old friend that was hurting over some stuff in his life right now. I wish so badly that I had the words to say to him to make his pain go away. But, the only freedom he will find is in the scripture, that is highest authority. I tried to point him there. I think my feet were numb by the time we got back to the house. After an hour of relaxing, we headed to Opelika to sit and listen to some music. Every one of us enjoyed the musician, Gareth Asher, as he led us in a bunch of our favorite songs. 

Sunday. I woke up to Christi laying on top of me and telling to get up in her funny northern accent. Oh, how i loved her and hated her at the same time. :) We "wallered" on the couch listening to James' stories that we all adore. Again, just like old times. After a lunch at Breezeway where we ate and laughed about the weirdest things, it was time for the out of towners to leave. I tried so hard not to cry the entire time they were packing up their cars. But, it wasn't until Christi hugged me that I lost it. I love these people so much sometimes it hurts. I know that the Lord has given me the gift to passionately love people. So, with that, it's difficult for me to say goodbye to those I desperately love. They know me better than anyone. They are a huge part of my heart, and when they leave, it is definitely not easy. Honestly, I don't know if we'll ever all live in the same city. So, this is just something we (or should I say I) will have to get used to. The visits will never end and the memories we make will never stop. They are precious to me. Nothing could or ever will replace them. 

:)

dead man walking.

How often do I think that I am the one in control... and how often I am wrong! Recently, I sat down with a friend and spoke of the direction I feel the Lord moving me. I told her that I am no longer in control of my heart. My Lord has loosened the grasp that my hands might have had on it before now. I'm not even sure it's anywhere in my reach. And thank goodness. I have experienced the Potter's hands upon me. He has changed and rearranged my heart for the lost and the nations. He has broken my heart for what breaks His. I am hurting over a nation in which I know nothing. All I know is their desperate need for a Savior. Tears stream down my face for this burden. He has taken me to new heights in His gospel.

"Whoever does not bear his own cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:28

I abandon any thoughts of myself. I abandon anything that once was mine. I abandon my plans. I abandon my flesh. I abandon my life completely. I have fallen in love with and tasted Something more than this life. So, therefore, I embrace my King and His throne. I embrace His crazy plan for my life. I embrace His best. I embrace His words. I embrace His teaching. I embrace being dead. I embrace Him. 

where to begin?

I am not much of a writer. I say this only to warn you that I do not attain the eloquent speech that I see from others. However, I am starting this blog only because I long to tell you all that is going on within my heart. I love to be known. I wish I could call each one of you every single day, and tell you what I'm doing, where I'm going, and what it is that I am learning. But, let's be realistic here, it's just not going to happen... 

For the last 54 days I have been living and working in Auburn. And though I have my times of loneliness and my times of emotional breakdowns (I try to convince myself that this is healthy), I have loved every moment of it. I have been blessed to be able to be a part of an amazing team. Every single person has brought me so much laughter and I could not imagine being anywhere else. I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is where the Lord has me. He has placed me here to fall deeper and deeper in love with Him. It's deeper than just a "I love God" thought process though. It's in my heart, it's in my thoughts. I miss Him when I am not spending time with Him. He is bringing me to new places with Him. New thoughts on who He is, new feelings of my love for Him. Even my friendships with others are new. He is singing over me a new song. And I couldn't be a happier audience member. 

Here is a song that I've come to love again. I feel like it gives me and you a better description of where I am right now... 

"Comfortable, don't get comfortable 

I am going to move this mountain, 

then i'm gonna move you in. 

Yesterday, this is not yesterday.

You were standing on my shoulders 

Now you're standing on the edge. 

You were looking for a sign all this time. 

I am gonna show you what I mean. 

I am gonna love like you've never seen.

You are going to live like you used to dream 

This is your new song

So afraid, but you don't have to be afraid

Even if make mistakes 

You know that i'll remain

You were looking for a sign all this time 

If you seek you'll find me every time 

Can you feel the call of love - is it moving you?

to be a child of God of love - is it reaching you?

It's everywhere the call of love

I just want to show you what I mean.

I just want to love like you've never seen. 

do you want to live like you used to dream? 

'Cause i've got a song for you!"

I look forward to sharing my life with you :)

-han