'tis the season!

Christmas is here. Therefore, I finally allow myself to indulge in all of my favorite Christmas movies...

Top 5 all time favorite Christmas movies and quotes:

5. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - "Tis the season to be merry... That's my name..."

4. Love Actually - "It's my favorite part of the day, driving you... It's my saddest part of the day, leaving you..."

3. Elf - "You did it! Congratualtions! World's best cup of coffee!

2. The Holiday - "Well, hello big dollop!" 

1. White Christmas - "Vermont should be beautiful this time of year, all that snow."

thanksgiving

I wish I could say this thanksgiving was filled with some good 'ole R&R sitting around the fire, watching movies, and just simply hanging out with the fam. However, I cannot. My holiday was packed full with errands correlated to the upcoming wedding of my dear sister, cooking the meals until thanksgiving since my mother was focused on thanksgiving meal itself, cleaning the never ending mess that is our house due to a redo of the floors, shopping for bridesmaid gifts, dresses to the showers and rehearsal dinner, ... It was craziness above all crazies. (I understand that the last sentence didn't really make that much sense, but you got me, right?) 

But, here is the reason that I love holidays... up until everyone gets there you are going a mile a minute (especially if your name is Karen Frost, my mother). You are running to and fro the grocery store, picking up and packing up anything and everything that seems out of order so that all can be just right for your family members and loved ones who would really care less if they saw those shoes placed at the bottom of the stairs or the dish sitting in the sink. Your mind is racing, you never sit down and when you do, you get mad at yourself because it takes twice the effort to get back up than it would've been to just stay on your feet. The best part is when you hear the doorbell or that knock at the door. In walks in twenty or so of your favorite people, ready to spend the day with you. It is in the moments of your "Daddy Bob" quieting the room in order to say a funny rhyme he had made up to make you laugh before he prays that really make me smile. It's in his prayer that brings tears to your eyes, hearing his words of gratitude and taking the words right out of your mouth about each person in the room. I know I'm not supposed to, but I opened my eyes during his prayer this past Thursday. I looked around and first glanced at my sweet Grandmother who was sitting down due to bad knees. She is one of the most grateful and considerate people I've ever known. She will not do or say anything without it being a compliment of gratitude for who you are to her. I hope that someday I could come close to that kind of gentleness. And then there was my other Grandmama who embodies a quiet and gentle heart. She has gone through her fair share of heartache in her life. I notice her tear up when my Daddy Bob asked for a moment of silence for those that had passed. I knew the people she was thinking of, and my heart longed to take away her ache. With all the pain that she has been through, she still has that joy and spirit of life within her. And of course, there is my mother. Beautiful. Full of life and personality. She draws you in, makes you feel special when you talk to her. I kid with her about how she never stops moving, but that is a quality that I long to have. I long to have the commitment and dedication that I've never seen lacking. She is the heart of this family. 

It is in those moments during the holidays that I love. Thank you Grandmother, Grandmama, and Momma for giving me hope that somewhere inside me, I encompass some of what each one of you possess. 

redeeming love.

"...I want to go back." She stumbled and almost fell.

Michael caught and steadied her. "Just once, try trusting me, would you? Have I done anything to harm you?"

"Trust you? Why should I? You're crazy bringing me out here like this in the middle of the night. Take me back." She was trembling and couldn't stop.

"Not until you see what I have to show you."

"Even if you have to drag me?"

"Unless you'd rather ride over my shoulder."

She jerked her hand free. "Go on ahead."

"All right," he said. Angel swung around to go back but couldn't see the cabin or barn through the tress. When she turned around, she couldn't see Hosea either and panicked. "Wait," she cried out. "Wait!"

Michael caught hold of her. "I'm right here." He felt her shaking and drew her into his arms. "I'm not going to leave you in darkness." He tipped her face and kissed her gently. "When are you going to understand that I love you? Come with me..."

She tried to hold him back. "Wait, please. All right. I am afraid of the dark. Being out here reminds me of ---" She stopped.

"Of what?"

"Of something that happened when I was a child." He waited and she bit her lip. She didn't want to talk about what happened. She didn't want to think about the horror of that night. "Please. Just take me back... take me back to the cabin..."

"You don't hear me. You don't understand anything. I can't take you back. You're not going to have it your way. It's going to be my way or not at all." Michael took her hand. "Now, come on." He walked through the dark woods. Her palms were sweating, but her hand didn't lay in his hand like a dead fish anymore. She was holding on as though her life depended upon him. 

Angel heard sounds everywhere, a constant ringing and humming that came from all directions and penetrated her head. It was a quiet that was so quiet it screamed. She wanted to be back in the cabin, away from the black, moving things around her. Winged demons, watching and grinning. 

She was cold and weak from exhaustion. "How much farther is it?"

Michael swept her up in his arms and carried her. "We're almost there." The woods were behind them, the moon above making the hillsides an eerie silver gray. "Just to the top of that hill."

When he reached the crest, he set her on her feet again, and she looked around in confusion. There was nothing. Just more hills and then the mountains in the distance.

Michael watched the night breeze making her pale hair dance in the moonlight. She huddled into the quilt and glared back at him. "There's nothing here."

"Everything that matters is here."

"All this way for nothing." She didn't know what she expected. A monument. Something. She sat down, exhausted and shivering from the chill night air. The quilt wasn't enough. Ten quilts wouldn't be enough. The chill was inside her. What did he think he was doing dragging her up this hill in the middle of the night? "What's so special about this?"

Michael sat down behind her. He put his strong legs on either side of her and pulled her back against him. "Just wait."

She wanted to resist his embrace, but she was too cold to fight him. "For what?"

He put his arms around her. "For morning."

"I could've waited for that in the cabin."

He laughed against her hair. Lifting it, he kissed the nape of her neck. "You can't understand until you see it from here." He nuzzled the soft skin beneath her ear. She shivered softly. "Sleep a while if you want." He tucked her more closely against him. "I'll wake you at the right time."

She looked at the stars, tiny jewels against black velvet. She had never seen it like this before, so close she felt she could reach up and touch each bright speck of light. The night sky was beautiful. It had never looked likt this from a window. And the smell - thick, moist, earthy. Even the sounds around her became a kind of music, like the birds and insects, like the rain plinking into the tin cans in a dingy wharf shack. Then the darkness lightened. 

It began slowly, hardly noticeable. The stars grew smaller and smaller, and the black softened. She stood up, hugging the quilt around her, watching. At her back was darkness still, but before her was light: pale yellow growing brilliant, gold-streaked with red and orange. She had watched sunrises before from within walls and behind glass, but never like this...

"...that's the life I want to give you... that's what I'm offering you... Give me a chance..."

-Redeeming Love

fashioned.

i've been on the brink of tears all day. it was one of those days that, at any moment of the day, you could snap your fingers and I could fall to the floor balling. Depressed, hannah? you ask. No. Just in one of those moods. For those of you, that are males and do not understand this concept, I apologize. It is for some reason, a "gift" that has been given to us females that, unfortunately, I've heard you will never fully grasp. If you want, you could skip ahead and wait for the next blog. Female readers, sympathize with me, would you please? I feel like an alien sometimes. I feel like someone has taken the regular me and placed a psychotic and extremely way too emotional other me instead. Any show on television makes me cry. Talking in the kitchen with a friend makes me cry when it gets serious. Hearing my phone ring and seeing "home" come up on the screen makes me cry. Saying goodbye to friends that I have been saying bye to regularly for about a year now, knowing I'll see them in a month makes me cry. It is anything and everything. In these moments, I begin to realize my desperate need for something more... my need for my Savior. I am in need of knowing my God that I serve so that I can understand how and why He made me like I am. I need to dive into the scriptures that are written with truth, not feelings. In reading in Genesis, I notice that God made man, but He fashioned woman. We were made more intricately. By the hands of my love, I wasn't just put together, but I was put together with thought, with care, with wisdom. 

The hands of the Mighty One fashioned me... So, in the moments like today, I close my eyes and picture myself in his hands. Because that is WHY he made me to cry like I do, so that it would draw me into his chambers. 

last night's reading: grace

"O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, 

and it has both satisfied me and me me thirsty for more. 

I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. 

I am ashamed of my lack of desire. 

O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; 

I long to be filled with longing; 

I thirst to be made more thirsty still. 

Show me Thy glory, i pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. 

Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. 

Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away." 

Then give me grace to rise and follow 

Thee up from this misty lowland where 

I have wandered so long."

- Crazy Love (pg. 99)

As I sat in my bed late last night, eyes drooping yet needing to read, my heart started to beat fast while I read the words off of this page. To consider grace like this - to plead for him to grant to me a deep forgiveness that I will never fully understand made pockets of tears well up in my eyes. I couldn't even finish the chapter.  I am loved. I have the gift that is grace. I am pursued. I am forgiven. 

so, i'm sick

i've been sick the last few days. not fun. in all honesty, the first few hours of rest were nice. it was good to sit and do absolutely nothing for a change. however, i am driving myself crazy. i've got nothing to say except that i am completely bored out of my mind. how do people do it? how do people just sit around and do nothing? i'm too weak to do anything. that's my excuse. 

anyone have anything interesting to keep me my mind entertained for the day?